i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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