u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
