the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So vagazzling was a success
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
