duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
