a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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