All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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