Can Purell be used as lube?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
