You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
