I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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