you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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