Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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