he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
