yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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