3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
