I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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