i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
