We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
