After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
