Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they're like a gay fantastic four
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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