i think my tv is drunk
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
