The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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