I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
