she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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