So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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