Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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