So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
