I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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