There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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