So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
