I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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