Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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