if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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