he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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