The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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