Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just come out here and I will go home with you...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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