you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
