your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
