I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
