I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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