someone threw a dead crab at me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
