Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
