It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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