I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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