No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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