i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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