On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
