We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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