I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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