she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
