THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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