I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
