I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
