That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
