i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
