Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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