my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
