My friends, they love my intelligence
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
