Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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