I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
