Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
