I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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