OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
