you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
