I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
