from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
