So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
