This girl is more easily done than said...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We have started to decorate penises.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
