Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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